In January 2017 I took a 10-day silent meditation course to learn ‘Vipassana’. That’s right. Ten whole days of not talking! That includes no gesturing and no eye contact. It’s a solitary journey with no phones, pens, paper or books. No nothing! NADA!
I’d wanted to learn this particular meditation technique for a while as a few of my good friends had experienced it, but I kept making excuses not to go; ’I don’t have time’ and ‘I can’t afford not to work’ were the front runners, closely followed by, ‘It’ll be too cold if I go in winter’ and ‘What if mosquitos attack me while I’m meditating if I go in summer?’ Hahaha! Truth is, I think I was just scared. Scared in case I signed up, got there and threw in the towel on day 4! Luckily, I had a word with myself (I’m good like that!) and decided it was time! In the words of my good friend Harry: If you book it you go! So in October 2016, I signed up and was accepted into the January 2017 intake! I’ll tell you funny story before I forget ... I actually signed up to go in July 2016 … I had a real strong inclination to go and when I checked, there was a course starting the following week! It all felt super synchronistic and positive! Plus I needed a break from work … It was the middle of winter and it felt like everyone was away! The shop (my barber shop) was kind of quiet … It was cold … I was cold! … And being solar powered, I was feeling very … meh! So I filled out the online application and was accepted right away! And then I shit myself! ‘I shouldn’t be doing this … I can’t just shut up shop and disappear for 10 days! Can I?! I mean, it’s 2 weekends; I’ll lose a lot of money!’ Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah! I was turning all the negatives over in my head and then I’d come back to all the positives and all the reasons I should go! (Typical Gemini behaviour!) Money was really the biggest factor stopping me, but I had a word with myself (again!) telling myself it was time to put my trust in the Universe! I was always going on about how the universe has your back and how things are always working out for you ... Yet here I was, doubting it all! If ever there was a time to stop worrying, trust and BELIEVE that the universe will sort everything out for you, it’s now!!!
Still undecided, I called some friends … And I called all the wrong ones!! Hahaha! I called the risk averse, the sensible ones and essentially the non-believers who all spoke straight to my doubt and I ended up cancelling my place … But vowed to go in January! No excuses! And you’ll never believe what happened. A week later, I’m going through my accounts / paperwork, checking off invoices paid to my commercial property manager and realised I overpaid rent at my shop by one month and that this money would have been carried forward to pay for the rent during the time I (almost) went away!!! Well!! I threw my head back and I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. And I thanked the Universe for the lesson and for the confirmation.
Now on with the story!! I arrive at Blackheath station in the Blue Mountains and I’m pretty nervous! I’d had the occasional bout of ‘EEK!!’ in the weeks leading up to the course but they were coming more frequently the closer we got to the station! Three other people got off the train and I immediately identified them as ‘going to Vipassana!’ We ended up sharing a cab to the centre and after registration, I handed in my valuables (including some protein bliss balls!) was assigned my room and cushion number. I had a little wander and got chatting to one of the guys I met at the station, I think we were both grateful to share our fears, express our concerns and swap tales based on second hand information from friends who’d sat previously! Then I remembered something my friend Jenny had said, ‘if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be not to talk to anyone before you go in there … Because you’ll spend the whole 10 days thinking about them!’ – Yikes! Too late! And I have to admit … I did think about Ben on occasion, but I was just curious as to whether or not he was still in attendance!
The nitty gritty! - Vipassana, which means; ‘to see things as they really are’, is an ancient Indian meditation technique brought to the West by S.N. Goenka who was the latest in the line of teachers. Goenka, who hails from Burma, is now deceased, but his guidance, chanting and evening discourses seen us through our 10 days of silence … He even gave us a few giggles along the way! Vipassana is non-sectarian and there were people of all ages, stages, races and religions on our particular course. For the first 3 days we practiced ‘Anapana Breathing’; sitting in silence, legs crossed, hands on knees, eyes closed, focusing on our breath and the triangle area from the tip of our nose down to the corners of our mouths. Just breathing and focusing on that spot, for 3 days. We all had our allocated spot in the meditation hall, men and women were separated and an assortment of pillows, blankets, bolsters and cushion pads kept us as propped up, padded and as comfortable as is humanly possible.
Morning wakeup call was a 4am gong and the first meditation sitting was 4:30am - 6:30am. Boy did that take a bit of getting used to! Although, come about day 7, I was awake before the gong! Gotta love your body clock! I found the morning meditation the hardest because a) I was starving and b) after about day 5, a lot of people had cottoned on to the fact that the teachers didn’t join this meditation till about 5:30am so they’d traipsy in any time from 4:30am … Every couple of minutes the front door would click open and click closed. The hall door would open and close. A person or two would shuffle to their cushion, fouter about getting comfortable, cough, sneeze, fidget and you guessed it … Instead of meditating all I was doing, was getting annoyed at that person … And the next person … And the next person ... And the next person! I know, I know! But for a hungry first timer it was inevitable I’d be easily distracted! Moreover, I had bothered to get my ass out of bed at 4am to make it on time for the practice and their disregard for their practice was impacting mine! But only because I was allowing it! Rant over. Morning meditation always ended with about 30 minutes of chanting from Goenka, which, you guessed it, also annoyed the crap out of me! But at least I knew it indicated I’d be fed soon! Breakfast was a staple of porridge, rice, prunes, fruit, yoghurt, muesli, toast (at least I think it was toast!) with plenty of condiments and toppings and a selection of herbal teas! Usually after breakfast I would shower and our next meditation block was from 8am-11am. Lunch was 11am-1pm and I must say, all our meals were really good. We had curries, chilli, lasagne, stews, and stir fry’s. So tasty and delicious! All the food is vegetarian with vegan options most days too. There were always salad and vegetables on the side and rice or noodles and usually a sweet treat too! They had DELICIOUS Dairy free muffins one day!! YUM! Hat’s off to the chefs, who are all volunteers!
Next meditation blocks are 1-2:30pm, 2:30-3:30pm, 3:30-5:pm. Sometimes I would do 1-2:30pm in my room just for a change of scenery! Though I have to admit it was very hard not to end up falling back asleep here! 5-6pm was tea time (and I mean actual TEA! Lol!) A selection of herbal teas and 2 pieces of fruit were the order of each day! I had the pleasure of the most perfect pear one day … And spent the next 3 days wishing I’d get another … Which absolutely and completely contradicts Vipassana meditation! And absolutely didn’t happen! Ha! 6-7pm was another sitting of ‘strong determination’. These were introduced around day 4 or 5 I think? During these sittings, we were asked not to change positions: Not to move our legs or arms or open our eyes. These sittings were a good test and deepened the practice! I’ll explain the why’s and the wherefores in a bit!
From 7-8pm (ish) we watched a discourse on the day pre-recorded by Goenka. He talked us through our day, spoke about the practice, its origin, its history and of course, its benefits. He always had a funny anecdote or a tale to tell from back in the day, which made us laugh and lightened the mood! Our last meditation was from the end of discourse till 9:00pm. It was lights out 9:30pm! That was pretty much the way of every day! You adopted routines in your breaks … Whether it was showering, walking, laundering … napping! And in all honesty … The fact you couldn’t talk just made things easier! There was no comparing days or sharing thoughts … Which would only have added to the thoughts … When the purpose of meditation is to quiet the mind! And yeah … It was all very peaceful!
We’re taught Vipassana on day 4, with the instruction to move our attention from the triangle area between our nose and mouth, to the crown of our head … And just like that, the crown of my head was all … ‘HELOOOO!! I’M THE CROWN OF YOUR HEAD!’ - All the tingles and sensations a welcome confirmation that the last three days of intense concentration had not been in vain and that I had been doing it correctly! We were then essentially instructed to ‘body scan’, by focusing our attention systematically around the body … And really … That’s it! You ‘feel’ each part of your body as you focus your attention and pretty much sit in wonder as you experience most of your body respond and come alive! Once you get really good at it (ie. Super focused) it’s said that you can move your energy in different directions; forward and back, side to side and even dissolve your spine! Now, not surprisingly, due to sitting for extended periods, there were a few aches and pains (or, gross sensations – as we like to call them in Vipassana!) My back and shoulders hurt. Sometimes my legs, ankles and feet felt a little off, but all sensations were to felt and observed with equanimity … I’ll elaborate on that in just a second! More often than not I couldn’t feel much as I scanned the front side of my torso; this was what they referred to as a ‘blank’ area, but again, we are instructed to just observe the area for a little longer and to move on without judgement or attachment to feeling or indeed lack thereof! On the flip side, there were some pretty awesome sensations going on and as I focused, it amazed me to feel the subtle changes from tingling, to pulsing, to almost vibrating! I remember this one day in particular, I couldn’t tell my separation from the mat or from the very air that surrounded me! My whole body was like it was alive – I could even feel it in my teeth and I was convinced I could be levitating! It was really quite something!
So! The premise is that craving and aversion are what causes us humans misery! We go about our day and as we look at things, we unconsciously (or consciously!) categorise things as ‘wanted’ or ‘unwanted’ and as long as we practice this, ‘wanting something we don’t have’ or ‘not wanting something we do have’ … We’re in a state of dissatisfaction and ultimately, this is unhappiness! We’ve been conditioned to live like this and through our senses; touch, sight, sound, taste, smell and we’ll include ‘thought’, we mentally label things good or bad, wanted or unwanted. We see things we’d like more of and things we’d like less of, meaning, we are not happy with where we’re currently at in the present moment. Furthermore; once we decide that we like / dislike a thing, we develop an attachment to the sensation or feeling that particular thing gives us (good or bad) and these are called sankhara’s. It is believed that these ‘sankhara’s’ are stored in our body and this is why it’s easier / we’re sometimes quicker to react with say, anger, frustration or elation the next time we experience it or something similar.
Practicing Vipassana retrains the body and mind, as we sit through what we would normally deem to be wanted and unwanted – in the sensations felt within our body. We observe these sensations with equanimity – Neither labelling them good / bad / wanted / unwanted / not wanting less of / not wanting more of - And we develop, grow and strengthen our equanimity over time. With a bit of practice, we will be able to observe most situations, whether arising inside or outside the body, without judgment and with the knowledge that everything is impermanent and that, ‘this too shall pass’. We become less reactive and as a result; way more peaceful humans! Over time, our sankhara’s will be eradicated and our joy will increase!
The technique actually makes sense and let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to be less reactive and happy with life. But it was the equanimity part that I struggled to get my head around and as we weren’t allowed to ask philosophical questions during our time at the centre, I spent about 4 days wondering if I really wanted to live an ‘Equanimous’ life. Equanimity seemed to rule out loving people, passion for things, goal setting and generally, all the things we enjoy! It was a hard 4 days! Haha! Upon my return to real life, I made it my mission to better understand equanimity. I read up on it and asked some questions here and there and I’m pleased to tell you that I came to terms with the whole thing!! And it’s OK!!!! You’re allowed to be in love / enjoy yoga / pasta or chocolate. Or chocolate pasta!
The dictionary definition for Equanimity is: calmness and composure, especially in a difficult situation. Now this to me is just perfect! I also found this great example on Reddit: If you’re eating an orange, enjoying the orange comes naturally. However, if you start to think about how sad you will be when you finish the orange, or get over excited and declare oranges are the only fruit you’re ever going to eat, then you’re taking the initial experience (the natural enjoyment) and added craving or aversion to it and now you’ve lost your equanimity. It’s acknowledging without judgment or attachment. It’s acceptance of the present moment - not wanting any more or any less (or anything to be different) with the knowledge that everything is subject to change, nothing is permanent and ‘this too shall pass’ ‘bad’ or ‘good’.
Sitting in meditation I experienced both what would be labelled ‘bad’ sensations (pain and discomfort - sensations I would normally want less of!) and also some pretty amazing sensations! As I moved what can only be described as my own energy, throughout my body, the feelings were fascinating and my conditioned mind wanted more of this! However, in order to develop equanimity, during long periods of meditation I would try and simply observe the sensations; not craving more of the good or less of the bad. Over time and with practice, this non reaction to ‘what is’ and ultimately to the present moment coupled with the knowledge that everything is impermanent and everything is of a nature to change, will spill into everyday life and when faced with any situation (after it passes through the ranks of my senses) I should be less reactive. Hooray!
There is no doubt in my mind that meditation is good for us. It brings space, peace and definitely enriches your life. I kept up the Vipassana meditation for a good while after I came out and although I haven’t ‘sat’ for years now, I think it’s one of the best meditation techniques I ever learned so far. Focusing your awareness on your own energy as you move it through your body … I can’t think of any better way to be in the now!
Finally, the question on everybody’s lips … Would I do it again? Absolutely. If you’d have asked me on day 8, 9 or even 10 … It would have been a flat out NO! But time has given me perspective and like a tattoo; it’s a pain you forget! You need those 10 days to get it, just like you need the silence. Luckily, once you’ve completed a 10 day course you are able to participate in 3 or 5 day courses. Like a likkle top up! This would be perfect! And I have been looking into dates and venues recently. It could be time to go off and be with myself again.
So there you have it! I would recommend this course to anyone serious about meditation and who’s maybe tried a few different types but nothing has really stuck. I think this technique has many benefits not to mention the personal challenge of 10 days in silence, alone with nothing but your own thoughts. You’ll learn way more than how to meditate! Oh and did I mention that this course if free? Yup! That’s right! These centres are all over the world and all operate on a donation basis! So what are you waiting for?
Check out www.dhamma.org for more information!
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